reinvention: a creative soul reborn

2010 In One Word (#Reverb10 - Day 1)

#Reverb10 - Day 1 One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

2010 has been a year that's hard to describe with just one word. But if I had to choose one, I'd say that word is COMPLICATED.

The year started in a way I hadn't anticipated and life changed in ways I never imagined it could. When the year began, I fully expected it to be the year I got my professional life back on track. But after months of looking for a new gig, I felt like Charlie Brown on Halloween. While all around me it seemed as though people were getting what they wanted, I got a rock. In the midst of it all, I found my way back to my first love - writing - and once I put pen to paper, I started feeling like my old unstoppable self. I finally began to deal with the loss of my business, rediscovered a part of my personality I thought was gone forever, and looked forward to amazing things happening. Then, once again, I was humbled by life in a profound way. 

2010 felt like one long rollercoaster ride. There were amazingly high highs, frighteningly low lows,unexpected twists and turns and everything in between. Life was more complicated than I'd ever imagined it could be. What I understand now, is that everything had to change in order to for me grow and become whatever the universe has in store for me. One thing's certain, though - I'm still here. And I'm looking forward all the possibilities the new year holds. 

So what's the word for 2011? Because the universe has a funny sense of humor, I'm almost reluctant to attempt to capture 2011 in a single word, but if I have to choose one, I chose BLOSSOM. Now that I've embraced change, I'm ready to bloom. 

It's 5:00 Somewhere...

Baby, it's cold outside. No really, it's mad chilly on the West Coast. Here's a little something to keep you warm. Enjoy!

Lemon Ginger Hot Toddy

In Memory...

Tuesday morning I got an urgent call from my youngest cousin. "I haven't spoken to my Daddy since Saturday," she said. "It's not like him...  we speak every couple of days. Can you go check on him and let me know if he's okay?"

Then I called him. The phone went straight to voicemail. So I called my mom and his son. Neither had heard from him. Then I called him at work since I knew he should be there. They transferred me to his supervisor. She hadn't spoken to him in several days either and was worried about him. Especially considering he'd missed a couple of days and hadn't called in. 

The only thing left to do was go to his house and make sure he was okay. But in my heart, I knew something was wrong. So I called a friend who asked if I wanted him to come with me. Without missing a beat I said, "Yes...please." Without missing a beat he said he was on his way. 

As I pulled into the driveway behind my uncle's car, I knew but still hoped I was wrong. I opened the door, called his name, walked to his bedroom and saw him laying in bed, so I called him again hoping he was sleeping. But as I got closer, I knew he was gone. It looked like he just went to sleep and never woke up.

As I fell to the ground in the arms of my friend, I realized  that my Uncle was gone. That sometime before I got there,  he made his transition to whatever comes next. And my heart hurt. 

Once I pulled myself together, I made the calls I needed to make, held my mother as she realized her baby brother was dead, held my cousin's hand as we walked into the room to say goodbye, and called my friends who were much more organized than me to help walk me through what to do next. They took over, called the fire department, the police, the mortuary. Helped us find important documents. But I felt my Uncle's spirit, too, trying to comfort me. 

What you need to know about my Uncle is that he was is a beautiful spirit.  A giving man - he wanted the best for his family. He wanted to make sure the family - me, my mom, his children, their mom, and his grandchildren - had everything we needed to be okay. He was a little ornery, well okay, alot ornery. And real. One of the most real people I've ever known. He was more than my Uncle, he was like my Father. He taught me how to fight, gave great piggy back rides, had an infectious laugh, a smile that lit up a room, and was the smartest man I knew (even though he didn't always see that in himself). And I miss him desperately. 

The blessing is he's taken his place among the elders. He's become a spirit guide for me and the family. I miss his physical presence, but feel his spiritual presence everyday. For that I am grateful. 

Thank you for being part of my life, thank you for watching out for me, and thank you for the lessons you taught me. I miss you Uncle Nate. And I love you.

Never forget...

I'll never forget where I was on September 11, 2001.

The phone rang at the crack of dawn. It was my ex-husband who at the time was out of the country (and still my husband). There was no hello, no how are you, none of the platitudes we'd summarily exchange. All he said was, "Wake up, turn on the television NOW," with a urgency in his voice I've never heard before or since. I asked why - feeling a bit annoyed at having been awakened from  a deep sleep. And he said it again, "just turn on the tv." As I was about to ask what channel, I realized it didn't matter. It was every channel. All of them.  Fear enveloped every pore of my being. And we watched in silence, horror, and disbelief - apart, but together. ..

I prayed for the world that day and everyday since. I prayed for love, tolerance, justice, healing, peace... for souls lost, for hearts broken, for all of us. My prayer was that one day, we would stop doing evil and calling it God's will. And by we, I mean all of us regardless of the things we think separate us. 

photo credit: wtcoutline

How much is too much?

While talking with a close friend over lunch the topic of blogging came up. I mentioned being concerned about saying too much. His advice? (And I'm paraphrasing here) "Go for it, say what needs to be said." "What are you worried about," he continued," it's your blog." Of course, at that moment he realized I might actually write about him one day, and that he might regret it later, but that's a different story for another day. 

You see, on this journey towards reinvention and transformation, so much is happening - both personally and professionally. Not only am I learning a lot, but I'm also figuring just who I am these days. On the one hand, I want live fearlessly and say whatever pleases me, regardless of the outcome. On the other hand, I have discretion and realize there's a thin line between sharing and oversharing.

So, how much information is too much? What do you think?

 

photo credit: whatleydude

Back on the workout grind...

Sick of the neighborhood scenery, I decided to get out of the hood and into the wilderness - kind of.

What a great place to have in the neighborhood! The Baldwin Hills Scenic Overlook has hiking trails, insane stairs, a visitors center and views of the entire LA Basin. It's not over crowded (yet) and is a killer workout. 

Did I mention the stairs? These stairs... 

They're crazy steep, somewhat uneven, and hard. Completely different from the Santa Monica stairs and a lot less crowded. And the workout is amazing! As you can see, I made it to the top - 375 feel above sea level at the mid-point. Then walked the hill twice.

The next day, I hiked the trails. Also a little on the steep side, but a great workout with beautiful views.

There's another little trail that leads into Culver City Park.

Fatigue had set in by then though, so I didn't go too far. I'll make sure I go that way next time.

My muscles ache (in a good way), but I'm planning to get out there again tomorrow. No pain, no gain, you know? And the best part? I've discovered that I quite like hiking.  Who knew?

 

By the way...

I'm on tumblr, too. 

We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

-Joseph Campbell

You only fail if you stop...

After witnessing this recent burst of creative energy, a good friend asked why I stopped writing in the first place. It wasn't the first time someone asked me that. It was, however, the first time in a long time I actually gave the question some serious thought.

Why DID I stop writing?  One day I was writing pithy prose about rappers and popstars,  gossipy columns about music industry players, articles about the state of the industry, liner notes, newsletters, artist bios, and press releases... You name it, I wrote it. Sometimes I wrote for the love of it. Sometimes I thought I could change or save the industry I loved with the stroke of a pen. But more than a few times I simply wrote for the highest bidder.

And then I stopped. No fanfare, no big decision, I just put the pen down. Fell out of love. On to the next creative pursuit.

Recently I've felt the spark return. The desire to write came over me like the desire one feels for a lover you can't get enough of. Words began to flow from my pen like the waves of pleasure you feel when the loving is good. And much like an orgasmic rush, I have to admit, it feels amazing to want to write again.

So why did I stop writing? I don't know that the reason matters anymore. What does matter is this... I 'm writing. And a writer writes, always.

 

5 O'Clock Somewhere

It's damn hot outside. Don't know about you, but hot weather calls for slushies, and I could use a cool, refreshing drink. Not the kid version, but something a little more sophisticated - for the more refined adult palate.

I "discovered" this idea recently when I forgot about a bottle of wine I put in the freezer for a quick chill. When I finally remembered to take it out, I found a frozen bottle of wine. The only thought that crossed my mind? "I bet this would be an awesome summery drink if I could get it out of the bottle." (I know my wine aficionado friends are cringing, but they'll get over it.) However, after a little research, I found my original idea... not so original after all. In fact, the fine folks at The Kitchn found a much easier way to get the wine out of the bottle and into a glass.  Thus... (sung in my best peanut butter jelly time voice) it's sweet wine slushy time...

Sweet Wine Slushies
makes six 4-ounce servings

One 750ml bottle sweet, fruity wine, such as moscato or icewine 
Fresh orange juice or white grape juice (optional)
Ice cubes (optional)
Orange or strawberry slices, to garnish

Pour the wine into empty ice cube trays. You will need about 2 standard-sized ice cube trays. (Each cube portion is about 1 ounce.) Freeze the wine overnight, or for at least 6 hours.

When ready to serve, place 4 frozen wine cubes in the bowl of a small food processor or a blender. Blend quickly, in sharp bursts, just until the cubes have broken up. They will be soft and flakey to begin with, and it shouldn't take too much processing to turn them into a slush. Don't overprocess; this will turn them into liquid. Scrape the slush into a martini glass, garnish with a piece of fruit, and serve immediately. Repeat for each serving.

Made one a few days ago, and it was very good. Wine not your thing? How about a boozy granita instead?

You're welcome.